


Too tough to break

by itsafuckingmess



Series: dream smp headcanons [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alexis | Quackity Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29059161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsafuckingmess/pseuds/itsafuckingmess
Summary: Finally, L' Manburg is fixed. The crater is mostly patched up, and it calls for a celebration.Alex isnt a fan of parties. Neither is Niki.Niki comforting our boy Quackity with everything that happened when he was under Schlatt
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt
Series: dream smp headcanons [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	Too tough to break

**Author's Note:**

> This is a headcanon. This hasnt happened, and it probably wont. Everything in this (mostly) is made up.  
> This is about the DSMP characters, not the people themselves, and its mostly self indulgance.

" Hey."

Alex turned around to the direction of the voice.  
He saw a figure approach him near the balcony.

" Hey Niki." He said, returning to his original position.  
" I didn’t know you smoked."

Alex, turned to face her with tired eyes.

" I don’t. I’m just getting rid of them. They were Schlatt’s." he said, lighting another and letting it sit in the ashtray, watching as the grey smoke made its way up to the navy sky.  
" oh." was all Niki could muster.  
They both watched at the cigarette burned, slowly reducing itself to ashes. The smell wasn’t pleasant, but it didn’t seem to bother Alex.  
Alex was ways so energetic, cracking jokes left and right. Now he seemed like a different person. Calm, quiet, collected. Seemingly lost in his own world, hosting his own celebration in his head.  
" Are feeling okay? You cut off from the party pretty quickly." She asked, watching him light another cigarette.  
" I’m alright. Its just, parties aren’t my thing." he replied, eyes glued to the smoke trailing upwards. It seemed to soothe him in a way.  
" You see, Niki, I always try to be energetic and lighten the mood, but i cant always be something I’m not." He started, slowly relaxing his body, placing his elbows on the wall's sill.  
" That’s... true I guess. You shouldn’t always try to be someone else." Alex let out a chuckle, followed by a sigh.  
" You want to leave?" Niki asked, watching with him as the cigarette collapsed into ashes.  
He furrowed his brows.

" I mean, I can walk you to Eret’s castle if you like, but my place is in here," he pointed behind him, where the others were finally celebrating Schlatt’s downfall, on the new, repaired L’ Manburg.

" I meant come with me to Eret’s castle. I can see you aren’t enjoying the party," she said, looking at the celebration, "and by what it seems, it wont break off until sunrise."  
" Just," Alex sighed, " Its, whatever. They have been holding it in for months."  
" I don’t think you should stay out here. Its going to start getting cold. The others are probably fine, dancing and drinking and doing- whatever they are doing."  
" I don’t want to be in your and Eret’s hair. I’ll be fine don’t worry."

Niki sighed at his stubbornness.  
" I could really use some extra company. Eret has been working on something and I’m bored around the house. Please?" she asked, looking at Alex with puppy eyes. He met her gaze with a tired look. It seemed that he accepted defeat, knowing that one way or another shed convince him.

" Fine." He said, pocketing the almost empty pack of cigarettes in his pocket, and turning the ashtray over, spilling all the ash over the grass.  
" Lets go." He said, grabbing Niki by the shoulders for some support.  
The whole walk both were quiet. The only sound being the swishing of the air, the chains holding the lanterns clashing quietly.

Alex seemed to be spaced out, and Niki could help but admit he looked a bit sadder than usual. You’d think he would be better without Schlatt, but it seemed to pain him still.

" So why don’t you trust anyone?" Niki asked calmly, barely breaking the silence. Alex brought himself to a halt.

" What."

" You always tell everyone to not trust anyone. Why? What led you to that conclusion?" He remained silent, his lips pursed. After a while, he replied.

" Multiple occurrences really."  
" What happened during those occurrences?"  
" Hey look we're almost here!" Alex said, picking up pace with his steps.

Niki could that he was avoiding her question. And she didn’t blame him.  
No one actually knew anything about Alex and Schlatt's 'relationship'. Everyone jokingly said that they were married, and that was it. Never got any clarifications by either. They only found out after Alex 'betrayed' Schlatt that their so called relationship was for show. He never opened up about it, and you could tell that it weighed him down. Niki wanted to change that. She had helped other people in the past, and she wanted to help him get that weight of his shoulders. She had experiences with Schlatt herself, the guy is a total asshole for sure, it wouldn’t surprise her if he had gone to the extent of hurting his right hand man for benefit.

" Eret I'm back! I brought Alex with me, hope you don’t mind." Niki exclaimed, leaving her things by the door. Alex stood by the door, swaying awkwardly.

" Come," Niki said, signaling him to where a table was situated. They both sat down, the fire omitting pleasant warmth and soft crackling noises.

" So I-" Niki started, before Alex cut her off.  
" Sorry for avoiding your questions. It's just- I never had to talk to anyone about stuff-" It was Niki's turn to cut him off.  
" I feel like you have mixed something up. You don’t need to talk about these things. I'd never- and no one should- force you to talk. I am just offering to listen."  
Alex could feel his eyes well up. Niki was being so kind to him, and it didn’t make sense to him. No one in this world was kind. That’s how he came to not trust anyone.  
He had lost count of the instances where he would be beat up for comic relief, the instances where he had his stuff taken 'as a joke' and never given back. War changes people and their behaviours. Changes their deception of things socially acceptable to do to others. And being a target himself was a constant reminder of that.  
He brought his hand up and rubbed his left eye.

" I really don’t want to burden you with my problems. I’m already causing an inconvenience by staying here-"  
" Alex." She reached her hand out and turned his head to face hers.  
" You aren’t a burden to anyone. You aren’t causing any inconveniences by staying here. If you want, we can just sit with Eret and chill out. If you want to open up, we can do that too. Ill do my best to listen and be supportive to you."

She could see the tears forming in his eyes. He brought up his hand again, wiping both eyes this time. He was huffing, seemingly too stubborn to let himself cry.

" Poor thing," Niki said, looking at him, her eyes filed with concern and sympathy. " How long has it been since someone had been anywhere near affectionate to you?"

Alex finally broke, the tears falling like waterfalls from his eyes. Bringing his right hand up for support, and maybe to try and hide his face, leaving the left one down on the table where Niki held it, rubbing soothing circles on it.  
Her chest ached seeing how broken he actually was. Everyone was used to him being energetic and making annoying jokes, it really opened Niki’s eyes to how well one can fake an emotion when they are used to it. It only made her wonder how long he has been wearing this façade, how he came to be so good at hiding his emotions and opinions from everyone.  
She had seen some instances where Alex was chasing someone around, and even some where they hit him, 'playfully' as they described, even if Niki knew by the bruises on Alex the later days that 'playfully' wasn’t their true intention.

Eret just happened to be walking in at that point. He first noticed Niki, then to the boy across her that was currently bawling his eyes out.  
Eret furrowed his brows, making a confused expression. Niki just tilted her head, telling him to forget about it. He just shrugged, going to get some water.  
" Can you get a glass for Alex too?" she asked softly. Eret just nodded, handing a glass over before disappearing off to god-knows where again.

" Here, drink this." She edged the glass closer to him. He gratefully accepted it, vigorously drinking the water, calming himself down in the process.

" Sorry for that." He said, setting the glass down and pushing it away from the edge of table so it didn’t fall.  
" You have nothing to apologise for. Its perfectly fine to cry, hell, sometimes its good for you." she said excitedly, trying to cheer the other even in the slightest.  
His lips formed into a small smile, and that was enough for Niki to feel proud.

" Whenever you feel ready, you can start talking. I’m not forcing you to say anything, I’m just letting you know."  
Alex nodded and took a few deep breaths.  
" Um, as much as id like to open up, I don’t know how or where to start." He said with a small chuckle, sniffling slightly.  
" Alright, how about we start more generally, and slowly get into more details hm?" Alex nodded as a response.  
" Well, lets try to start with some vague questions. What do you not like anymore because of him?"  
Alex swallowed before answering.  
" Well, you know- have you noticed-" he was struggling to express himself, starting a new sentence, only to abruptly cut it off with a new one.

" Hey, don’t rush yourself. Take your time. I have nowhere to go, you have nowhere to go, no one’s chasing us. Take. Your. Time." she emphasized and he visibly relaxed.

" I don’t know, if you have been wandering around L’ Manburg at all, but if you have you will have certainly noticed I don’t wear much clothes around." he said slowly, chuckling lightly.  
" I have noticed. I don’t mind it though."

" Well," he bit the inside of his cheek. " When I was with Schlatt, we had to wear suits for the most part. And, while suits aren’t really bad, they just feel so constrictive. You are expected to act a certain way in them, they stop most movement. They just make me feel weird, even if its just a piece of fabric."  
Niki nodded, listening intently and making sure to rub soothing circles on his hand.  
" What else?" she said, resting her head on her other hand.  
" Um, I guess big, empty rooms are kind of upsetting. It just  
reminds me of the throne room. Big and useless. Just a place to get drunk and smoke." Niki nodded, urging him to go on.  
" This might sound as 'expected', but alcohol is really up there on my dislike list." He said, breath hitching.  
" And- its not just because he drank, I could care less about what he did." " Then why?" Niki asked, voice full of curiosity.

_Alex was pacing back and forth in the throne room. They had just discovered Georges message declaring his leave._   
_" What if he shares information with Dream? What if Dream comes here and takes us off the podium because George shared your plans, and-and he just banish us-"_   
_" Alex. Shut the fuck up Man! You've going on for hours. George wont do shit, he’s too much of a pussy. And I have and alliance with dream. He's working with us." Schlatt said, taking a swig of whatever his bottle had in it._   
_" Alright, alright. But what if he goes to Wilbur? We don’t know jackshit about Wilbur and his plans since you fucking exiled him. For all you know he might have everyone on his side except from Dream. And if George spills out any information we are fu-"_   
_Schlatt got up from the throne, standing in front of Alex, Schlatt towering over him. " What. Don’t. You. Understand. From. Shut. The. Fuck. Up? Do you want me to spell it out for you?"_   
_Alex frantically shook his head no, but it didn’t seem to cut it for Schlatt._   
_" How about...." he pushed Alex towards the wall, stopping him from making an escape._   
_" You drink some?" he said, raising the bottle of liquor to Alex’s face._   
_" That for sure will calm you down, wont it?" He completed, a mischievous grin plastered on his face._   
_Alex shook his head no, so vigorously this time that his head might as well dislocate from his neck. However Schlatt didn’t seem to take no as an answer._   
_" Open up baby lips." He said, nearing the bottle to Alex’s mouth. The shorter was doing his best to avoid it, but Schlatt was bigger and stronger._   
_Once his lips met the bottle, few drops of actual alcohol made their way into Alex’s mouth, and needless to say it wasn’t pleasant. Gasoline was probably better than whatever sort of straight up alcohol Schlatt drank to fuel his addiction._   
_Those few drops were enough to send Alex into a coughing fit, the putrid flavour making him gag._   
_Schlatt let his hold off of him, watching him fall to his knees, coughing his lungs out. " Fucking- cant even hold your liquor." Schlatt slurred, going to sit back down._

" Alex?" Niki asked, shaking her hand in front of Alex’s eyes to snap him out of his trance.  
" I- can hold my liquor." he whispered, his hand reaching up to his lips unconsciously. Niki furrowed her brows. She couldn’t hear what the other said, but something told her it wasn’t connected to a happy memory. She shook his shoulder lightly.  
Alex’s eyes started to blink excessively.

" Sorry, I- uh- spaced out." he said, clearing his throat.  
" Its alright, don’t worry." she assured him.  
" Um, once- after George left with Sapnap, I was freaking out that he would tell people our plans, that he would share confidentials- with um, with Wilbur, and he would- Wilbur would be able to overthrow him." he paused shortly. " And I was rambling on and on about it, and how we should be careful with everyone we trust now. But he- Schlatt didn’t like my incessant rambling. He told me to shut up, and then he-" a heave cut his speech. He took a few deep breaths, calming himself before continuing.  
" He told me, ' why don’t you drink some', referring to whatever alcohol he was drinking, saying it would calm me down. I, um, I couldn’t get him to- I couldn’t get him off me, he was too strong. And um-"  
Niki reached out and held his shoulder.  
" You don’t have to say it out loud. I got the gist of it. He forced you to do something you didnt want to." Her eyes were full of concern, maybe fear too, slightly welled up.  
Alex just nodded, swallowing an invisible lump in his throat.  
Niki sighed. She felt horrible that no one had noticed that, that no one saw how Alex was, and has been, hurting.  
" Do you- want to stop? Do you feel, uncomfortable, do you want to continue this later?" She asked, seeing how he had grown antsy.  
" No, I’m- I’m good."  
" If you say so."

She got up and walked to the door.  
" Where-"  
" I'll be back in a second. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving you." she said with a smile, leaving the room.  
Alex pursed his lips. He fidgeted with his fingers a bit, waiting patiently for Niki to return.  
He suddenly felt something be placed on his back, flinching lightly from the shock.  
" Oh dear, I didnt mean to scare you." Niki said, coming to face Alex.  
" Its alright." Alex looked down at his shoulders and saw a blanket covering them. Almost instinctively, he grabbed the loose ends hovering off his arms, wrapping himself in more.  
" I knew it would help." she said, chuckling at Alex’s reaction. " Alright," she sat down again. " Lets keep going." Alex nodded.

" What do you want to talk about?" she asked, swiping some hair out her face.  
" Um, I want to talk about this one thing. Well- actually two, but yea."  
" Okay then, go on, I’m here to listen."  
Alex smiled. It felt so nice to have someone comfort him, someone actually listening to him.  
It was enough for him to put in all of his trust in Niki.

" So, um this happened after the festival, the one where Tubbo was executed."  
Niki nodded, holding out a hand for Alex. He gladly accepted, squeezing her hand lightly. " Afterwards, I felt really bad. Tubbo had told me a few days beforehand that he was a spy for Pogtopia. I told him that I would keep the secret, and I did. But, in the moment, I thought that Schlatt had found out from me. Needless to say, I was really quiet the whole time." He tusked, thinking of how to phrase himself.  
" Um, Schlatt noticed, and um, I guess he found it suspicious."

  
_" Alex, if you knew about Tubbo being a traitor, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?" Schlatt asked, turning to face the other boy._   
_" Um, I mean it depends."_   
_" Does that mean no?"_   
_" No, it means I don’t know how I would act." " But you did know.."_   
_Alex’s eyes widened in shock._   
_" I- um"_   
_" I was looking for something the other day, and I found this note, in um, your coats pocket. It was from Tubbo, saying that he was supporting Wilbur secretly. I’m guessing you kept it a secret on purpose."_   
_Alex gulped. He could tell the other was mad. " Uh, yea. if wanted to earn Tubbo’s full trust," Schlatt came closer to Alex, towering over him._   
_"..cause then I could have gotten information from him about Wilbur." He said, slightly trembling._

" He found this note in my pocket, the note that Tubbo had given me, where it said that he was a spy for Wilbur. I could tell he was pretty angry that I kept it from him-" be paused suddenly.  
" Yea, it makes sense for him as a character to feel so." Niki commented, squeezing Alex’s hand lightly.  
" Did he do anything?" she asked.  
Alex felt his throat go dry. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to tell her how much of a monster he actually was, what a complete disregard he had for the people close to him, how he took everything for granted. But he couldn’t.  
" He um-" Alex started, but the words weren’t coming out.  
" You can use a different way to tell me if you are struggling." Niki stated, noticing how he couldn’t say it.

Alex nodded, gulping slightly. He shimmied his hand from Niki’s grasp, ignoring her confused look. He took in a shaky breath, before bringing up his right hand to his neck, squeezing it lightly. His eyes were snapped shut and his body trembling at the memory.

  
_" You will NEVER, hide everything of such scale from me, understood?"_   
_Alex’s hands were trying to remove Schlatt’s, trying to free his neck from the taller’s grasp. " UNDERSTOOD?" He shouted. Alex nodded frantically, well, as frantically as one could when there was a hand squeezing his neck._   
_Schlatt let him go, Alex dropping to his knees, heaving, trying to bring around his breathing, trying not to pass out. His eyes were filled with tears, his body was shaking, his head was clouded._   
_Schlatt left the room, leaving Alex to fend for himself._   
_He slowly crawled to the bed, back against the side of it, bringing his knees up._   
_' What am I doing?_   
_Why am I following his orders?_   
_Why didnt I leave with Tubbo?' His breathing faltered for a moment._   
_' No, I’m doing the right thing_   
_He knows what he is doing_   
_He is president for a reason.'._   
_He was shaking. His mind was torn, not knowing what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. It all came around to one thing in his head._   
_' This isn’t me._   
_This is the show I have put on for the outsiders._   
_But, who am I?_   
_What have I done to my real self?_   
_Where has he gone?..'_   
  


Niki’s eyes had widened with shock, her mouth dropping open.  
He wouldn’t have surely- he wasn’t that sick, right?  
Her hand quickly went to remove Alex’s from his neck. The other boy was shaking, hands reaching for the blanket, closing himself in.  
She stood up, walking over to where he was sitting and pulling him in for a hug.  
Alex melted into her hug, sobbing quietly against her.  
Niki was truly shocked. How had they not noticed that. How had it come to fly under the radar?.  
Alex’s had started to calm down, merely sniffling and taking in deep breaths.  
Niki just sat there, the boy in her arms, rubbing circles on his back to help him calm down, comforting him.

And she wasn’t planning on letting him go anytime soon....


End file.
